Q: Why do my parents treat my brother better than me? Is this a feeling of jealousy?

A: This is one of the silent questions from many children, young people, and even adults who have suffered or are suffering this situation.

There are parents who are closer or feel more affinity toward a particular child. Normally, such feeling or closeness is a function of a series of characteristics such as personality, nature, likes and dislikes, the fact that he or she is weaker or the oldest or youngest, physical similarities…All this does not necessarily mean that they love one child better than other; rather, they just feel closer because of affinities or because that child has a situation or characteristics that receives more attention.

Sometimes the parents show preference or feel more attracted because of the circumstances of the child at the time. If the child is going through a difficult period or an illness, parents pay more attention to him or her, and that might be viewed as preference. But it is simply the parent instinct which makes them protect, help, and pay attention to a child in need. It might also be that that child is more affectionate or communicative and easier to understand.
There is also the possibility that the role of favorite child changes as time goes by. At a particular time, parents might feel a preference for one child but with the passing of time, that might change.

We must be aware that differences might exist but normally only in regards to the type of relationship, not to the love that parents feel for their children.

We cannot deny, however, that there are parents who might love one particular child better and clearly show their preference. This evidence might harm the rest of the siblings, who may feel less loved, leading to feelings of insecurity, loss, and a low self-esteem, particularly if there are few siblings.

I don’t know if you are familiar with the parable of the prodigal son. The older brother felt that jealousy when the younger brother arrived and the father gave him all his love. This is a normal feeling when we feel replaced or marginalized. What is important is to know how to manage such feelings. God loves us so much that he has created families, because that is where we will feel an unconditional love. There will be times when your siblings will be the only ones to support you at difficult times in your life. The Bible tells us: “A friend loves at any occasion, and the sibling is born to share adversity” (Proverbs 17:17) It would be great then to build a great friendship with your brother or sister.

A healthy sibling rivalry is all right, but if you are constantly involved in heated arguments with your brother or sister, you must solve that situation before it becomes a permanent rift between the two of you.

I will recommend the following:

Ask God for help. Pray for your brother or sister and your relationship with him or her. Ask God to show you whether you are in any way contributing to this situation negatively. If you ask God to help you to overcome this problem, God will do it.

Change your perspective. Look at the situation from the viewpoint of your brother or sister. If you look at the facts objectively, you will probably realize there isn’t really any favoritism.

Show your support. Help your brother or sister to give the best of him or herself and help them to move forward even if it seems to you the last thing you would want to do. Congratulate them for their achievements and share in their happiness. Show a genuine interest for the events in their lives. If you think this is hard to do, ask God for help. If you show sincere support to your siblings, they are likely to do the same for you.

Do not compare yourself. If you only look at the abilities of one of your siblings, you will probably think he or she is better than you in everything. But he or she might be thinking the same about you. We all have our own talents but no one can be the best at everything throughout his or her entire life. Let your siblings shine with their own strengths instead of trying to be like them. Discover your own talents and develop them. Focus on giving the best of yourself, not on competing with your brothers and sisters.

Finally, speak with your parents because most probably they are unaware and they don’t have any intentions to hurt you. They might not have realized how you feel. I am sure you will find the best answer there.

Blessings.