In which ways does losing love affect human beings?

Human beings are social beings. Everything we have is related with personal relationships. We constantly need each other, and whatever we do will always have an impact on others. Since we cannot live and be happy except through relationship with others, we must learn to relate.

Not everything is so simple, however, since each one relates to others from his or her own level of consciousness, from his or her own balance or lack of it, from his or her own way of experiencing life and interpreting it, from what he or she learns and reaffirms with time, that is from his or her self-esteem. Let us remember that no one can give what they don’t have.
A specific trauma that leads people to depression is the loss of love. We all need affective bonds to sustain the vigor of our bodies.

When we lose the person we thought was the love of our life, we go through a process of mourning in the face of loss or separation from the loved one. The feeling we have is one of hopelessness about the future. How could we recuperate it, then?

Each time you had to say goodbye, your mind prepares itself to start a very painful but necessary stage: mourning. The pain you feel varies according to the esteem or closeness you had with that person, the type of relationship you established with him or her and the role that person played in your life.

The process a person goes through during loss is something that in psychology is called elaboration of mourning. This means that pain goes through various stages until the person can return to a normal life, make plans, have dreams and expectations even if he or she will always remember the person who left. It is important to have an adequate elaboration of mourning so that it can become a trigger for personal growth, as we cannot gain without losing. If you remember all your triumphs, you will find that they always came accompanied by a loss.

You can experience mourning about the death of a loved one, the loss of a companion, a job, or a very dear object, a change of address or school, or even a pet. Although not all processes of mourning are obvious, they can affect us, and when there is not an adequate process we could remain in it for a long time and not be able to overcome it. To know the stages of mourning can help you to understand what you are experiencing, and can provide you with tools to overcome it.

The first stage is called denial and it is a kind of emotional anesthesia in which the person does not face what has happened.

The next one is a stage of anger, where one feels anger toward God, toward life or toward the person who left, or even against other people.

Next comes a stage of confrontation, with a mixture of emotions, and this is when you really become aware of the fact that what you lost is not coming back and you feel your soul hurts so much that you feel unable to stand it. This is normally the longest and most painful stage.
Finally, there comes a stage of acceptance, when you start accepting facts and looking forward.

Mourning does not have the same duration for everyone. Some things that can help you to process it are:

• Accepting the reality of your loss. After the denial period, it is important for you to accept that the loss is irreversible. The sooner you can do that, the easier it will be to recuperate.
• Express your feelings. Do not escape or deny your feelings because that would only mean you cannot heal your pain and you will be dragging it for a long time, avoiding a healthy recuperation. Express whatever you can through writing, drawing, speak to people who are close to you, or even go to therapy. It is also important that, once your feeling has been expressed, you can contain it. The point is to allow your pain to go out, but not to invite it to stay forever. You can cry and punch pillows for a few minutes every day, but then you have to entertain yourself, go out, and speak to friends.
• Do not seek comfort in harmful substances. It is advisable that, during this period of mourning, you try to avoid substances such as alcohol or drugs, because they will only worsen your situation. Remember, the sooner you face it, the sooner it will pass.
• Try to adapt to your new situation. Try to make all the necessary changes to adapt to this new period. If you think it would help, you could make physical changes in your house or on your person.
• Transform your energy. During this process there is a lot of energy in your body and your mind involved in your own recuperation. Use it for your benefit. Try to help other people, turn that personalized love into a generalized love.
• Build new dreams. That will help you to gradually recuperate your lost hopes and to set new goals for yourself.

The most important thing for you is to be conscious that, regardless of how great your loss has been, you can overcome it and, when you achieve that, you will be stronger and a better person than you were. The best company is God and ourselves.

Love yourself so others can also love you.